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Technology is ruining your ride...

(Reprinted from BikeRadar)

You know you're a modern roadie when…

20.    You return from an epic ride to find your GPS didn’t record and it feels like you just wasted your day and energy.

-Use of the word "epic" automatically renders this entry moot.

19.    Your gears stopped working… because of a dead battery.

-Cables always work, and even on the extremely rare occasion a cable fails, a stick can be wedged into a derailleur to find a gear.

18.    Your first ride of 2015 was on 2 January. All the achievable Strava KOMs were already taken. 

-STRAAAAAVVVVAAAAA

17.    You work out indoors on windy days because your aerodynamic frame and wheels are just too scary outside.

-Or go out and learn to handle your bike.

16.    A rest day is when your GPS is turned off.

- I. Can't. Even.

15.   You can't train indoors because your computer has a virus.

-The word "train" automatically renders this entry moot.

14.    You’re involved in a crash and you get X-rays… of your bike for insurance purposes. The sore ribs go ignored.

- Sadly, we all know of this occurring.

13.   You see someone wearing a tiger-print skinsuit and your first thought is ‘brave’.

-Unless your name starts with Cipo and ends with -llini, You sound be made fun of, relentlessly...PERIOD. 

12.    A car hits you because they didn’t see your ‘murdered-out’ bike and matching kit. Luckily, you caught the whole thing in HD video.

-I have a camera. I think the battery is dead.

11.  Your brakes are leaking oil.

-If this happens, causing you to be late, you will get left behind. Same if it happens while out.

10.  Your power meter keeps cutting out – you decide it’s pointless to ride like this.

-Or just tape over the screen for the whole ride.

9.    Distracted by your GPS, you hit the back of a car. (Perhaps using your Garmin while riding is no different to drivers texting?)

-If this happens, you will get left behind.

8.   It’s wet outside, so you wonder if you should just ride your cyclocross bike on the road today?

-Unless it's down, road rides get the road bike.

7. You get a flat and find neither you nor anyone in your group has a 60/80mm valve tube. You call a cab/your spouse, delete the file off your GPS and pretend the ride never happened.

-Always have a long valve tube. Long works in short. Not the other way around.

6. Your heart rate/cadence/speed or power sensor malfunctions and picks up the data of a young-gun riding past. You immediately screen-shot the effort. 

-Facepalm

5. You can’t operate your bike computer because the touchscreen doesn’t work with thegloves you’re wearing.

-If this is the case, you are riding with the incorrect computer.

4. You have a Gran Fondo coming up, but can’t decide whether to use 50/34, 52/36 or 53/39 gearing on the front. And the rear cassette is a whole other drama! 

-Facepalm v.2

3. You're sitting at the lights and go to push off – you shift for a gear but nothing happens. You quickly hear the laughter of your mate riding off and look down to find you’ve been unplugged.

-Someone in that scenario is a dick. Might be more than one person...

2. Fixing a bottom bracket creak is no longer a matter of reaching for a wrench and grease. It now requires a hammer, a cup remover, a headset press, a new bottom bracket and a whole bunch of Loc-tite.

-Nope. an 8mm and a BB wrench. Thanks.

1. Your crankset tells you not to quit your day job.

-A VERY limited few on this big, blue marble should EVER quit their day job. Know what I'm sayin'?