We had the monkey last night...

...and didn't need to wait for the football.
The group ride was a fuckup of epic proportions last night. It had just the right mix of people who don't know how to ride their bikes. It was a special blend, honestly. The only thing that could have made it better (worse) is if 'The Peanut' had shown up.
Mr. 'Head-Down, ride at 12/10ths and try not to crash' was at the gate. My trepidation started there. The kid just doesn't know how to ride his bike. Gapping people out, riding with his head down, riding entirely too close to the wheel in front of him, surging into the line, only to stab his brakes. Either stay in the back or stay away, period.
I knew we were in real trouble when in rolled a guy on a track bike, with no brakes and a flourescent yellow Camelbak. He was just dangerous. Going down Ridge, he was completely spun out and looked like he could blow apart at any moment. He and his buddy on the Tarmac just sat in the middle of the group, trying to cause an accident.
Once we turned to go down to the old Tuesday route, Mr. Trifecta was dropped, thankfully. His Tarmac riding buddy was more dangerous and had obviously never ridden in a group before. Crossing wheels, coming through the line on the inside, to NOT pull through and just sit up, wondering what to do. You know what to do, stay the fuck home!
We got rolling down Clarkson and across the Road to Nowhere and turned on Cabin Creek. A very nice paceline was rolling through, until Cisco decided to attack. I have no issue with that, it happens on group rides. My issue is with Mr. 'Head-Down'. I jumped to get back in the line (there was a 5 meter gap), but instinctively looked over my shoulder. Here comes 'H-D', head completely buried in the top tube, not looking at all. I swerved left to avoid being taken out by this dumbass and just let the group go. For the sake of my bike and body, I just sat up. The kid is going to crash and get hurt really badly. Hopefully, he doesn't take anyone out when the time comes...and it's coming, believe me.
Il Professore and NewGuyRob (NGR) rolled up and were both going off about how fucked up the ride had been all night. Il Prof ranted for a good 15 minutes and dropped enough 'F' bombs to end the war in Iraq.
We rode in smaller groups after that. I'm sorry (not really) if this post sounds elitist, but if you have never ridden with a new group before, don't get involved in the dynamic. Stay in the back, keep your eyes open and mouth shut. I'm not getting taken to the ground by some dumbfuck who is riding completely over their head and experience level. Our litte group, as dysfunctional as it is, has been together for 10+ years. New folks have come and gone. Some have stayed and are valuable members of the bunch. The ones who have stayed did exactly what I wrote just above.
Hell, I've been riding for a long time, but when I go on a trip, or go to ride with a new group, I don't get involved with the group dynamic, because I don't know what it's like, even though I can ride in front.
Anyway, enough ranting. I rode pretty poorly last night, dumbasses notwithstanding. Bad legs and a strained back do not a good ride make. It was nice to do the old Tuesday loop though. Reed and I had talked about alternating Elon and the old Tuesday loop on Thursday nights. More discussion will follow, I'm sure.
See you in the morning. I'm not riding hard.........