An open letter

This is an open letter, meant for EVERYONE. This will outline behavior that should be practiced when riding in a new town, or in a new group.

When you move to a new town, you will need to search new groups, shops and places to ride. A seemingly small minority of cyclists actually know the proper way to act when going to a new place. When you move somewhere, and you've been riding for a long while, the lay of the land is pretty easy to see. For some, this is not the case and the following pointers may, or may not, help.

1) When you move somewhere and find a group to ride. Go to the ride. Show up early. Don't talk shit. Merely introduce yourself and BE QUIET. In every group, there is someone faster than you, period. It's a proven fact, much like gravity or Lance having one testicle. Don't tell the group you used to be a Cat2 back in the day or that you've ridden for X amount of years. If the group is at all fast, or includes racers, they can sniff out bullshit a mile away. The bullshit meter gets pegged when you look more like a veal calf than an ex-Cat2.
2)If you have a question, ask it politely and you're likely to get a polite, yet straight, answer. The group isn't there to hold your hand, but most will help you out.
3)Don't ride to the front of the group and think you are putting the hammer down. That will lead to a long ride, in a strange place...alone. Ride in the middle, or on the back. Most groups that have ridden together have done so for a long while. They don't need some guy they don't know screwing up the dynamic, or worse, taking them to the ground.
4)Don't say stupid shit. Don't tell whoever is listening that you need a new bike because your high dollar carbon frameset has Ultegra 10 speed on it and you think Dura-Ace is faster. Don't make claims about how you've raced, where you've raced or who you've raced for, or against. The cycling community is a small, insular, somewhat incestual one. Facts are easily checked.
5)Don't say that you worked hard to catch the group after they've slowed way down, or even stopped, to re-group. This is especially bad when you ride of the front after being shelled out the back. If necessary, re-visit rule 1.
6)If you are single, don't hit on all of the girls in the group. They are there to ride, not worry about the creepy new guy trying to separate them from their lycra. Odds are, they are either dating, if not married to, one of dudes on the ride. It's a good way to getting a summary beating.
7)Don't do a couple of rides with one group and talk shit about them to another group. In every town, no matter the size, people know each other and talk. This will only lead to much consternation and you'll likely be called on it...in front of everyone...but the group asshole...who can drop you at will...! If you get invited to ride with the fast group, don't talk shit about the ride itself. Don't say you don't do crits when that's the fast ride of the week. Come out, take your ass-beating and then decide.
8)Don't touch other people while on a ride. If you see a few folks reaching out to touch each other, they probably have been riding together for a long while. If you don't know me, don't touch me.

I'm sure of missed a few, but this list will insure that you have a smooth transition into your new habitat. Feel free to pass this list on...

MM

cool hand luke

I know ThePeanut fancies himself an actor, but don't think for a moment that I'm comparing him to Newman...

Another Tuesday come and gone...

The crit went off again last night and was a safe affair once again. It was a strange ride though. The first 20 minutes seemed to me, and several others, to be much slower than normal. We stayed right at 40 kmh for the entire time, but there were no jumps or attacks. We just rode around like a school of mackeral. The pace picked up, but it wasn't close to the attacking stlye of last week's race.
Team Sippy Cup was out in force, and while I think what TS is doing is great, they aren't as strong this year as last. The race this week was great for them, as it was slower and more controlled. Last week, they wouldn't have performed nearly as well. There were a couple of new kids out who should probably get some additional riding under their belts before they come out to the big boy race.
Overall, there were several new faces, and for the most part, they couldn't get out their own way. A Vicious Gaper actually made an appearance last night as well. At least one of them has the stones to come out and ride with the men. He was in the way, and looked like a grizzly trying to have his way with a field mouse, but he was out there.
Personally, I had a BAD ride. I was flat and my stomach was a knot for the entirety of the race. I made one huge, suicidal effort to bridge a gap and that pretty much sealed my fate. I could move around in the group at will, but just didn't have a whole lot last night. I don't know if it's the Claritin or not eating enough before the race, but I was at about 75% last night. I gotta stop sharing my lunch with Il Bambino. He eats half my sandwich these days...
With 2 to go, I really thought about dropping out, but my pride got the better of me and rolled across in the middle of the group. No reason to sprint from the back and get taken out while passing folks in the gutter...

a long, yellow weekend...

Saturday was one of those days that pop up once and a while, for every cyclist. I didn't feel all that great when I woke up. The H.O. cooked Friday night, so it's no surprise that I awoke with a sour stomach, but that's a different story for another time...

The group was a good one, but when the tank has bad fuel in it, no group can help you survive a fast tempo ride. About an hour in, I wasn't so much flat as headed downhill. I turned off, deciding discretion was indeed the better part of valor. I feel confident in saying that the remainder of the ride turned into a swordfight. I rode home solo, feeling worse as the day progressed. I think my glycogen stores had been not only depleted, but closed down by the state. I ate and drank everything in house when I got home and still felt terrible. Painting the brick wall in the backroom probably didn't help me either...

Sunday is turning into a joke. It was almost 70 degrees and three of us showed for the 9am ride. I didn't feel great, but am glad I rolled my lazy ass out of bed to go. We headed into West Cola and did the old Gaston loop. Normally, you have a huge tailwind home, but as is normal with any ride I'm on lately, the wind shifted and blew 15 mph in our faces on the way back. Couple that with the 85 degree temps and the copious amounts of tree pollen blowing around, it made for a fun ride. I looked like I had been cast in a jaundiced Kabuki production when I walked in the door. I was YELLOW...

We had a good ride though...thoroughly enjoyable. The more I just ride, instead of having to prove the size of my manhood, the more I enjoy it. I think I may actually forego Thursday rides this Summer and just do the crit for my hard day.

BTW, Claritin D is good stuff...

First Thursday ride

The Thursday ride is supposed to be another sufferfest, but I'm just not feeling it yet. The group was small last night and, with the wavering light, the route is forced to be short. We all stayed together on the early climbs and then the split happened. I could have easily gone with it, but had compunction to do so. Chris and I rode side by side, at a medium-slow tempo and talked the whole way. We did one big loop around the base and went home. An hour and 40 minutes and a very enjoyable ride.

I changed the fork out on the Ibis, to a Ouzo Pro. What a difference. The front end is much stiffer now. After racing the Ridley on Tuesday, I can honestly say that the Ibis is more plush...more of an all day bike, and the Ridley is a RACE bike. The Ridley seems to go better when pushed really hard and the Ibis is the same all the way across the board.

3 hours tomorrow and Sunday. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. 85 degrees and sunny. Sorry all of you folks up North...not really...

Oh, and my brother said he saw this, on a Bianchi, riding up Kilbourne on Wednesday...

48 minutes of fun, fun, fun

The second round of the TNWCCS went of this evening without a hitch. This week was a bit more of a herky jerky affair. There were quite a few laps that were simply blistering and others that were positively slow. Of course, these slowdowns lead to the inevitable attacks that get thrown while there is a lull in the action. Nothing had a chance of getting away tonight though. There was just too much horsepower in the field. It is shocking to the system to jump from 19 mph to 33 mph in the course of 200 meters. That being said, it's definitely a quality field on most Tuesday nights around here.
The only problems are with ThePeanut and the kid who insists on coming out on his cross bike...with knobbies. I'm all for a big, jovial group and really don't want to hinder anyone's enjoyment, but sweet Jesus, you just can't turn on a 35c knobby tire. I was waiting to get swept a few times as we dove the bottom corner at 25+. It's stupidity and it endangers the bunch, period! Come out on the cross bike, but put some freaking road tires on the thing...please...! The life you save may be your own...cause if you take me down, I'm likely to break your head right on the spot.
ThePeanut is possibly the most dangerous person riding in this town. He's just strong enough to be in the way. He can go like hell when we're at 25 mph, but when the pace ramps to 30+, he's not even pack fill. Turning is a completely foreign idea as well. Don't hit your brakes, especially in mid-corner. At more than one point tonight, he sat up...in the middle of the group...at 28mph. If you are going to sit up, whether by choice or the fact that your legs just blew off, get out of the fucking line. The last time, Il Professore shot the gap and gave him the old hip rub. ThePeanut developed instant rigor mortis. The first rule of getting rubbed is to stay loose. That way you can absorb the rub. His claim of "20 years of racing" is quickly unraveling. Every week, something else happens that chips away at whatever narrow truth he's trying to sell us on. I saw two more pieces of evidence tonight. At this point, I can't tell if he's trying to convince us, or himself...

I had good placement through the last corner but got pushed into the gutter by cyclocross boy. I started my sprint late, but still managed a 5th. Not a bad finsh considering the company...

A new day

Ever had a ride that was enjoyable for the entire thing? That was today...
I got up and went to OutJokin' for the "group" ride, sat around for 5 minutes and decided that none of the fair-weather folks around here were going to show. I met my brother at the gate and we rode out. My gears were sufficiently ground after waiting for 10 minutes, so when my brohem rolled up, we rolled out.
We rode for 2-1/2 hours, slow, period! I think our average was about 17 mph and I never saw anything faster than 22. My legs were a bit shot from yesterday's slugfest, so the spin did me good. Nothing of note really happened other than general enjoyment of a beautiful spring morning. We did get yelled out by some guy on his way to church for riding two abreast. Too bad it's legal, dickhead. I didn't have the heart to tell him that what he was doing (yelling at us) was far more dangerous, as he was in the oncoming traffic lane, over a double yellow line. Nor did I have the heart to point out that my Ridley was worth more than his 1980 Mercedes turbo diesel.

Two observations/questions:

Why do employees of OutJokin' never show up for rides? Maybe it's the "Hot Doughnuts Now" sign...

I'm glad I rode today. I'm like Charlie. While your laying around, doing nothing, I'm out in the bush, getting stronger...

Can we have a day that isn't windy?

That's all I really ask. I don't mind a slight headwind. As a matter of fact, I've put more than one person in a spot of bother by hammering into a headwind. Today was a different story altogether. The wind started out light and got stronger the longer we stayed out. 3-1/2 hours felt really long and hard today. I ended up with 95km. Usually, I'll kick it around the block for 10 extra minutes to get the 100, but it just wasn't happening today.


It was about 45 at the start of the ride too. People got spoiled last week with temps in the 70s and 80s, so a little cold snap kept folks inside. We did have a guest in attendance today. A pretty damn strong, as well as not too hard on the eyes, racer chick from Minnesota. It seems young Maria was down here b/c her boyfriend is visiting Carolina in an effort to get into the Ph.D program in Chemistry. They DROVE down from the frozen north!! Bump that!!!


It ended up being 4 of us when The Velvet Hammer turned to go home. He said his heart, and his legs, weren't in it today. We went out through the flats and back in through the hills. We tried to stay on the ridgeline in an effort to stay out of the big wind. It kind of worked...


ThePeanut was out. He was simply all over the place. Both on the road and his bike. He looks like he's in pain when he's riding. I warned Maria and not 2 minutes later, Robert did the same.

The bullshit of the day is, again, a two-parter...!

P1: I asked Peanut what happened Tuesday night at the crit. He said he dropped out with two laps to go. More like 22 minutes to go. He said his dislocated shoulder was bothering him and he couldn't go hard. I'm not a Doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but you cannot ride with a dislocated shoulder. I had a Grade4 separation once upon a time and I couldn't scratch my ass without pain. There always seems to be an excuse with this one.
P2: He also ventured his opinion of the crit, like we need it. He said the crit he used to do in Atlanta was faster and smoother. He's obviously never raced crits before, because there isn't such a thing as a smooth crit. And as reported before, he made his best effort to take out the group. As Yoda would say, "Talk about smoothness, you should not..."

Hopefully Maria and her BF will move down and infuse this place with some good new blood.
Oh well, another ride tomorrow...

The duties of fatherhood

I missed the first Thursday ride of the season last night. Well, I wouldn't say I missed it, I just wasn't in attendance. I'm sure fun was had by all...I just had other things to do.

The H.O. was out of town with her assistant, so I was on Bambino duty. The two of us drove out to have dinner with his two crazy grandmothers. Yes, I said two. My grandma is still alive and kicking at 89. She's a cantankerous old woman anymore. Between her and Il Bambino, it's like having two kids...

I just picked up a Reynolds Ouzo Pro fork, brand new, uncut, in the box, for $125. Not bad for a fork that retails @ $350. It's all in an effort to stiffen up the front end of the Ibis. The frame itself rides like a champ. The fork, well, not so much. For general riding and noodling about, it's fine, but for racing, it's a wee-bit too mushy for my liking. The Reynolds should tighten things up a bit. I also bought a 45mm rake, which, in theory, should quicken the handling ever so slightly. It's only a 2mm difference, so I'll reserve judgement. Of course, 2mm in some carbon fiber applications is the difference between success and catastrophic failure.

It's been sunny and 75 here all week and it's pissing rain today. The weather is supposed to clear out and be sunny tomorrow, but about 20 degrees colder. Oh well, better 55 and sunny than 55 and rainy...

Peace...

The first crit

Well, the first installment of the Tuesday Night World Championship Crit Series went off without a hitch last night. I was a generally safe affair with a lot of give and take by all who attended. The only iffy behavior was exhibited by 'you-know-who'...
On at least two occasions that I saw, ThePeanut swung wildly right into the middle of the group after making his feeble efforts to ride to the front. It's okay though, he got shuffled out the back after about 30 minutes. It took longer than expected to be honest...

The first lap was a virtual noodle-fest, but the poopy hit the fan on lap 2. The pace picked up and stayed above 40 kmh, with more than a few 50+ surges, until about halfway. At 20-ish minutes in, Der Kaiser attacked and we all watched. All except AZPhil. He went across the gap and the two were never heard from again. We could see them about 300 meters in the distance, but there was no bringing it back. A few little groups got off the main peloton, but were quickly reeled in. I want to see AZPhil's SRM data.

The last lap saw an early attack from LittleJoe, but it was quickly pulled back. I was sitting third wheel at 1500 and did not want to be there. I sat up a bit and let the line go and got back in about 12th. I felt good for the sprint. I hit my pedal in the last turn, which is something I've never done before. I think the BB on the new bike is lower than the Ridley, but I digress...
I was still sitting 10 or 12 back when the pace ramped up and I tried to throw a spanner in the works by going from 350. It was a solid plan, except for the lack of communication between my brain and the rest of my body. The heart and lungs gave out at about 150 to go and I coasted across the line solidly in the middle. It's funny to watch the non-sprinters dice for it though. D-Rok showed them a clean set of wheel to mop up the field sprint.

Overall, it was a good ride and really fun, if this sort of thing can be considered fun. I rode well and only felt bad once during the 47 minute affair. Good times people, good times...

Weekend

Well, the weatherman screwed the pooch this weekend. It was supposed to be overcast and in the 50s with a chance of rain. Two days of sun with Saturday in the high 60s and Sunday in the 70s proved otherwise. SC may be filled with hillbillies and be 49th in education, but the weather is way nicer than anywhere up North...


Saturday's ride was a 4 man affair as Greenville is still going on. We just noodled around in LR for 3-1/2 hours. I ended up with 95 km though, so I won't complain too loudly. We did get stopped by a train...that stopped...for 20 minutes. We finally turned and went home a different way. Good ride all the way around...



Sunday was another story. It was a great ride with fabulous company...minus one. That's right folks, TheDink was out today. His new nickname will now be ThePeanut, but we'll get to that in a moment. It was the same old song and dance coming from ThePeanut today. When he wasn't pointing out holes and swerving around them like am epilectic, he was doing his now patented move where he rides on the front when the ride is going 20. Today was a different animal though. With the time change, it's time to get some good efforts in. The WCTNCS starts Tuesday, so it's time to go fast. More than a few times today, we just picked up the pace and went hard. TVH and Il Professore kept attacking and covering each other too...! They were short bursts, but they were hard nonetheless. This is where ThePeanut got his new nickname. He'd stay in for exactly one rotation of the paceline, then get summarily shelled. This happen right at a half dozen times on the ride this morning. Hence, the new nickname. He's not worthy of a name that includes a harder shelled nut, like a pecan or walnut. Peanuts crack on the first try...
When we'd slow down to re-group, the frak-wit would just ride past at 20 and ride off the front, turning around to see if we were 'chasing' him.

I'm excited I finally get to use my new graphic. Yippee...! Today's bullshit is a multi-part affair. The first line of shit was on the first climb of the day. RC decided to ramp it up and ThePeanut tried to follow. He didn't make it 200 meters on RC's wheel before getting spit. When we caught him, he said he sat up because he didn't feel like going hard on the climb. Il Professore quickly called BS. Later in the ride, Il Professore asked if The Peanut knew an old skool local racer. If ThePeanut had ridden and raced in Cola 20 years ago, like he claims, he'd KNOW this guy. He comes part deux of the BS. He has now changed his story to include the fact that he raced in Atlanta, but rode with the crew here in town. Much of the crew is still around, and they don't know you man...stop BS'ing.

Part three concerns questions and behavior that call his "20 year racing career" into question. The moron fell over at a stoplight. He forgot to unclip and fell over. Then, at the end of the ride, he asked my brother what 'tempo' riding meant...! Are you serious? 20 years and you ask this question? His time on the bike is more like 20 months...

Some hard lessons are coming for ThePeanut...much sooner than he may be anticipating...

Mid-week check

So, I've been to the chiro three times now. People scoff, but my back feels better. I have virtually no skeletal pain and the muscle pain is better. I'm sure it will subside when and if I ever take a break and get off the bike for more than two days. That break is likely to come sometime at the end of April when Bambino number two is set to arrive.

We were supposed to ride last night, but my brother caught a stomach bug and spent Tuesday evening and most of Wednesday camping out in the bathroom. Poor bastard. I decided to go ride by myself. The H.O. came home a bit early, so I got out without the lights. It was a nice, easy-ish spin around The Fort. No real effort, just a want to get out and get some fresh air. It's nice to ride in shorts and a jersey. The wind rushing over bare arms and legs feels strangely odd. You look down and are absolutely shocked to see such pasty white legs though. The only thing whiter was my new white Diadoras, and there was only a few shades difference.
The weather is supposed to be in the 50s, but cloudy, this weekend. I'm sure the combination of the temps and daylight savings time will thin the herd. People just can't seem to change their clocks.

The H.O., Il Bambino and I are going to MB tonight and tomorrow. The H.O. has a conference down there, again. The only plus is the fact that the outlet stores are close to the hotel. It satisfies my gay gene's need to shop. The Adidas outlet is first on the list, then I'll be looking for some new shorts. I seem to have left a Sharpie in the pocket of my cargo shorts. It made it through the wash cycle, but the cap came off in the dryer. 75% of my clothes are ruined, including my favorite khaki shorts...! It also made the interior of the dryer look like Jackson Pollack got trapped inside. You may now call me Dumbass....

Another day...

...another 80k. Three more hours, very windy hours, in the saddle today. Base fitness is obviously there, along with tempo fitness. The true, heart in the throat fitness hasn't shown itself quite yet. My brother and I chased a 400 meter gap today at 55+ kmh and it really hurt. I could feel yesterday's ride in my legs and the old HR wasn't happy about being spiked at 180. Of course, it was quite a bit colder today (50-ish) and the big diesel has trouble getting to temp below about 60. Unless it's raining and 50...then, I'll leave you in the country even if it buries me for the rest of the day.

It was a good ride all in all. We started with 5 and ended with 4. The Greenville Training Series is in full swing, so the majority of the group was gone. We lost The Velvet Hammer about an hour in. It seems he tweaked his back and is a bit crippled up. I feel his pain...literally and figuratively.
It was really windy today, so speed hovered around 30-32 kmh. I didn't feel like going much faster anyway.
I had a close call with the ground at the end of the ride too. I stood to pedal, as one does occasionally, and my chain slipped. I came close to eating shit no more than 10 minutes from home. If you want to know how close, my left nipple hit my left shifter. It was either my enormous, Schwartzenegger-like, upper body strength or the hands of the Cycling Gods that kept me upright. I'd like to think it was the former, but it was more like the latter...thank you Il Pirata.

I installed new motion lights on the front of the house this afternoon. When they click on, it looks like a prison yard. It's just another tool of oppression by the man...

Saturday

Another Saturday ride has come and gone, and thankfully, I made it through the entire thing with the rubber side down. Although this may not seem like a grand fait accompli, believe me when I tell you that there was more than one threat to my flesh staying place.
TheDink took every opportunity to risk life and limb (not his own) today. I just cannot understand how someone can ride regularly and not get any better at it. When you come to a bump or hole, point it out, move slightly off your line and miss the hole. At least twice (that I witnessed) today, TheDink hit the hole in question WHILE swerving into the middle of the group. I honestly believe that the act of keeping a bicycle upright and safe is just beyond the grasp of some people.
The BS of the day was when TheDink said he was going to go race in Greenville. He got dropped twice today...and we never went any faster than 40 kmh and averaged just above 30 kmh.
Yeah bud, good luck with that...

I rode the Ridley today with the Cane Creek carbon wheels. If you're gonna pose, pose hard...
The new bike and the Ridley ride completely differently, even though they are both carbon. I kind of concentrated on the differences today so I could quantify them. The Ridley is definitely stiffer than the Ibis, but the ride quality is what suffers. It's stiffer vertically, which transmits road vibration into your contact points. Not that it's a bad thing in this instance, but it's just different. The Ridley still rides better than any Specialized or Trek, period. I can't believe people actually like the way a Trek carbon rides. I guess some folks have no frame of reference...

The drywall is done, save for one small section around the door frame. All of the mud has been slapped on the wall and all but one seam has been taped. It's starting to look like a room now...

We'll see who shows in the morning...